If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats. – Lemony Snicket
Wow – we ladies certainly love our boobs, and have strong, loud and opinionated voices when it comes to protecting our options. Whether it’s breast-feeding in public or the injustices brought about by ill-fitting and unflattering breast support, it seems that, when it comes to boobs, we’re ready to rumble. Or grumble, more like. In fact, the post I wrote about a month ago called “Bra Shopping: Not as Titillating as I Had Hoped” was my most commented-upon post ever, since starting this blog back in 2005. I received a lot of comments through Facebook, and was even offered custom assistance from a personal shopper who works in the lingerie department at Nordstrom’s. Thank you so much for reading my rant and telling me how you feel regarding your own bra-shopping experiences!
When it comes down to it, bras are pretty confusing. Not the concept, of course – just give us something comfortable and pretty that can help stabilize our ta-tas. Where this becomes troublesome is in the details. For example: Why the awkwardness – why is the clasp in the back? Why so few sizes that are either pretty or sexy; do the physics of bra construction prevent the use of color, sparkles or texture? And why the discomfort? Why, oh for the love of god, WHY is METAL WIRE with STABBY ENDS a component of ANYTHING that comes near our boobs? Where did we go wrong???
In addition to the problems I outlined in my previous post, a number of you wrote about issues that seem to be common when we go to the lingerie department. Here are a few of your comments:
The fact is, we women like to think that every single one of us has broken the mold in some respect. We like being individuals, unique, interesting, different from everyone else. And when someone tells us that we have to force our boobs into something that is, well, molded to a few specific shapes and sizes, that rankles us to the core. Truly, when I look back upon the history of the bra, I can’t say I’m excited for the future. If they haven’t listened to us by now, when will they?
Recently, several of the ladies in my roller derby league (the Storm City Roller Girls) have been doing 30-day fitness challenges. Last month it was squats. This month: the 30-day Ab Challenge. To be sure, off-skates strength and endurance training are an important component of being physically fit and will make you a more successful skater for your team. So why did I join this month’s challenge? It sure wasn’t because I love situps. Maybe it was the camaraderie? A temporary moment of delusion and hope? I can’t figure it out.
Anyway, here is the challenge. Today is March 3. My 30-Day Ab Challenge to YOU is this: successfully guess how long I last in the challenge, and you will win a prize. The prize will most likely be a virtual box of kittens (all the cute, none of the poop).
Some things to consider:
So join in the fun and maybe win a box of [virtual] kittens! Leave a comment with the date you think I will get to in the challenge; i.e., if you tell me that I will last through the 10th, the 10th will be the last day I actually do the exercises. Rest days don’t count – pick a day with actual exercise. And because I can be somewhat sporadic, but still in it, I will keep track and let you know at the end of the month how far I got into the challenge. Ready? Go!!!
You might not believe this, but my cats are not always completely photogenic. I’d say, that on average, it requires about 10 derpy photos to get one good photo of any one of my cats. So here’s my gift to you: a gallery of my kitty derps. Don’t tell Jesse, Sam, Momo, Oliver or Abbey, because 1) they will be very embarrassed; 2) they might exact revenge by posting a gallery of Marci derps (and there are many, I tell you); and 3) they might kill me in my sleep. They have tried before; I am lucky to be here.
Today’s post comes to you from The Daily Prompt, which asks: “Do you have a reputation? What is it, and where did it come from? Is it accurate? What do you think about it?” I have chosen to answer these questions in the form of haiku, accompanied by illustrative diagrams. Enjoy!
|Since I have five cats
And you have only one, I
state proudly, “I WIN!”
Litter in my bed,
|Two plus three is five
And I was the one with two.
Spouse: Crazy Cat Guy.
I love to snuzzle
|Clothes covered with hair,
White on black, black on white. But
I still want these pants.
“Achooo! I love you!”
|It’s 2 am; do
you really need food now? Yes,
we will starve to death.