I mean, come on! I keep applying for these government positions, and I haven’t heard anything (except for the one job I didn’t get). It’s such a pain applying for these jobs – enough already! Someone just give me a job! I’m smart, right? Creative, am I not? Provide color in the work environment, yes? I know the speed at which the government works, but I’m getting a little impatient here.
I need money! I need benefits! I need my own office that I can decorate with Sea Monkeys and Life In Hell cartoons (ok, I might even settle for my own cubicle). I want to move out of my uncle’s house before he comes back and discovers that my cat has been peeing on the carpet in his hallway!!! I can live with being an aquatic biologist or ecologist or even a fish-type scientist, but if you know of any position opening up that pays really well and involves petting cats and watching tv, please let me know! Because clearly this is what I’m most qualified for… (and those darn government hiring people know it!).