I recently decided that I need a couch. In Pennsylvania I had a small fold-out couch from Pier 31, which Jesse destroyed in Colorado with his powerful stank-pee (good riddance though – it was really an uncomfortable sofa!). Then, while I lived with Steve, we had this awful plaid couch that smelled like dog butt and was getting torn apart by various animals. When I moved to California, the only thing I had to sit my ass on was an old green armchair that was going to be thrown out by the Fort Collins Mariott. I was so sick of sitting on this uncomfortable old chair that I said “screw it! I don’t care if Teddy is going to stink up a new couch, or Zoe will shred a new couch, or Jesse will pee on a new couch! I want something to stretch out on and lounge around on during my time off in front of the television watching reality tv shows!”.

So, I took a trip to the local Jerome’s Furniture store and ordered a REAL couch. A few hundred dollars worth. Plus a 5-year fabric warranty, which does cover pet pee and doggy drool. I swear it did not look this big in the store, but here it is, in all of its cushioned and pillowed fancy fancy glory! It’s huge! It’s a behemoth! A monster! It takes up my whole living room, but that’s ok, because I’m not going to be in this little apartment forever. It has been almost a week and it has not been smelled up by dog butt, Jesse pee, or marred by Zoe claws. So I’m pretty good so far…knock on wood…