I’ve been looking forward to this A to Z Challenge post for a while now, because let’s face it – being good can be soooooo boring! Therefore, I declare that V-Day (today) is to be dedicated to a prestigious group of Ladies I Love, my favorite Disney Villainesses – muah ha ha haaaaaaa!!!
These are not ALL of the Disney villains, you might notice…I run with the classics. These are my favorites – the most cunning, devious, manipulative and deceitful of the ones we love to hate. Well, I don’t really love to hate them…I just love them!!! Disney princesses can be so boring and predictable…always doing the right thing, beautiful, innocent, in need of rescue, blah blah blah. Well, these ladies don’t need any of it, and they don’t care what other people think of them (well, ok, the Wicked Queen from Snow White wants to be the most beautiful one of them all, but whatever). They are all unique in their abilities to seek out and craft an evil plan, and dang, they usually almost get away with it! Here are my favorite villainesses (in order from just favorite to most favorite), and the reasons why I love them so:
- The Queen of Hearts (Alice in Wonderland): She’s got style and is a wee bit off her rocker. I admire her propensity for dishing out death sentences with every other breath, but she’s honestly not THAT smart and can’t really formulate a long-term plan for eliminating potential threats to her queendom (a.k.a., Alice).
- The Evil Stepmother and Stepsisters (Cinderella): Oooohhhh…to treat a poor wretched orphan in such a horrific manner…these ladies must have lumps of coal where their hearts used to be! The stepmother is cunning and cruel, and the stepsisters are mean, but in the end their obvious greed brings their quest for personal gain to a halt. If they could’ve just been a little more subtle about things…ah, well. Better luck next time!
- The Wicked Queen (Snow White): Beautiful AND clever, the Wicked Queen almost succeeded in killing off Snow White. Shape-shifting is an amazing power to have, but her plan just needed a little more follow-through. She let those dwarfs get in the way…and then that meddling prince shows up! Argh! You’d think an evil plan would hatch (and grow to maturity) much more easily!
- Madame Medusa (The Rescuers): This dame has it all – a decrepit river boat in a swamp, two pet alligators (although they look more like crocodiles), and the confidence to never wear a bra. She even has a sniveling little sidekick of a man who submits to her every whim, including sending a little girl into a tidal cave to look for a jewel hidden by pirates long ago! And if it wasn’t for two mice named Bernard and Bianca, her plan might have succeeded. Curses!
- Malifecent (Sleeping Beauty): Ok, AWESOME HEADWEAR AND THE ABILITY TO TURN INTO A BLACK RAGING DRAGON??? Do I need to go into any further detail about why this is one of the best villains EVER??? No? Good.
- Cruella Deville (101 Dalmations): Ah, my favorite villainess at last. Her obvious disdain for live dogs indicates that clearly this woman is a cat-person, which I can completely relate to. And her fashion sense? TOP-NOTCH. I totally want to start smoking just so that I can wear elbow-length gloves and use one of those long cigarette holders! Her only mistake was relying on a pair of bumbling henchmen to do a job that she should’ve done herself, but I guess stylish ladies like Cruella can’t be bothered to get their own be-gloved hands dirty. Oh, the humanity!!!
It goes without saying that these villainesses, while amazing in their unique approaches to evil plans, could use a little help. In my own research in becoming an evil genius I stumbled upon a book they might be able to use: How to Be a Villain: Evil Laughs, Secret Lairs, Master Plans, and More!!! by Neil Zawacki and James Dignan. It’s a bit basic, but they could probably use a little brushing up on the fundamentals.
What about you? Who is your favorite villain, and why?