Tell me this is not the most hideous dress you have ever seen. And I will tell you that, in fact, it was purchased from Bloomingdales.com for nearly $300. The dress is not mine, nor could you pay me $300 to wear it. Nor would I pass it along to any of you fine folks for free.

The reason you, dear readers, are subjected to looking upon this eyesore is because some *ass monkey* took it upon themselves to steal my debit card number (I still don’t know exactly how that happened, since I still have the card) and make several online purchases. Two from Bloomingdales, and one from the Apple Online Store. The purchases overdrew my checking account and I received an overdraft protection notice shortly after the second Bloomingdales purchase was made, so I was on the phone with my bank immediately. They actually were great – they refunded the money to my account, canceled my debit card, issued me a temporary debit card, and opened up a fraud investigation.

I also called the police about the matter, since it was unlikely that the bank would actually ever pursue a criminal investigation because the amount of money was so small (just under $500 for bloomies and I don’t know how much from Apple, since the charge was pending for $1.00 when I canceled my account). I wanted to know how people could get away with ordering something online, having it delivered, and *not* get caught. It turns out that they can give a fake address and when the order is returned to the shipping warehouse, they get an email letting them know that the delivery address was incorrect but that they can come to the shipping facility to pick up the package. Or, they can have things delivered to a P.O. box. And, it’s fairly easy to get credit card numbers to sell or give away – at restaurants when you give your credit card away to be run, sometimes an employee will just make a copy of it to keep. Or at a gas station. Or anywhere, really. So keep an eye on your card!

The detective called Bloomingdales to get information on the purchases, which had billing addresses in Kentucky and Texas (i.e., fake addresses), and a delivery address in Alameda, CA. But apparently, someone got nervous because they did a little research to find my work address, and changed the billing address to my work address. And for the second Bloomingdales purchase, they also changed the delivery address to my work address. Which is how I got the dress (which I plan to return, since it is not mine and I didn’t pay for it). Maybe they saw how quickly I caught the fraudulent activity and got scared; maybe they decided they didn’t want the dress after all – I don’t know. But it really pisses me off that Bloomingdales let the purchase go through even though the billing address didn’t match the one on my check card account…if they don’t need to match, why do we even provide that information when we place an online order???

So this begs the question…why would anyone risk prosecution, commit identity theft, screw up someone’s finances, all for such an ugly, hideous dress? The answer, I think, is that there are people out there who have horrible taste, not only in fashion, but in the way they choose to live their lives, with little regard for others and no concept of being accountable for one’s own actions. These are the leeches on our society, and they try to disguise themselves as normal humans with fancy clothes and expensive toys. It’s difficult to tell them apart from hard-working responsible decent folk, but evidently they often wear excessively ugly dresses.

So good luck with the whole karma thing, buddy – let me know how that works out for you. You apparently know where to contact me.